


light the sky

by ohmalleys



Category: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017)
Genre: F/F, vaguely a failed timeline alternate universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 01:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17335694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmalleys/pseuds/ohmalleys
Summary: that’s why she can’t look at bethany for too long. she’s afraid of being swallowed whole by bethany’s gravity.





	light the sky

here’s the thing about jumanji--you can’t change clothes.

 

martha learned this the hard way trying to exchange her shoes for more comfortable ones at the bazaar. the shoes just don’t come off. like she’s a doll and they’re melded to her feet. like her shoes are essential to her being.

 

another thing she learns after she topples herself over into the mud after attempting to pry off her shoes--her clothes don’t stay dirty for long. in a few minutes the mud dries to caked on dirt which eventually just.. disappears. like a reset.

 

she learns a few other things. but here’s what she remembers--

 

they were about to beat the game. return the jewel to the jaguar and all that hubbub. but they had lost fridge. and then they had lost bethany. and alex. and martha and spencer were the only ones left. and they didn’t have enough skills to win alone. it was suicide.

 

they had been hiding behind a tree, crouched down low talking in whispers. spencer is rattling off a plan that martha already knows she’ll have no choice but to follow. something about how in video games the players can start from the beginning again if everyone in their party runs out of lives. if they all die.

 

he says something about how they’ll lose all their progress, obviously. ‘i know jumanji isn’t like all video games, but we have no other choice. we’re going to die here either way.’ and martha finds herself echoing ‘we have no other choice’.

 

they just had to die and try again. and if they die and they don’t start over from the beginning then that’d just be how it goes. so martha tries not to remember too much about killing herself with spencer. because it wasn’t badass. but it got the job done.

 

the only thing about replaying jumanji is that it’s cruel. because every part of it is cruel.

 

martha finds herself alone. surrounded by trees. and she calls for spencer. then bethany. then fridge. but gets no response.

 

they’re separated. or, she figures for the worst, she’s playing the whole game alone.

 

from the separation martha tries to find the only place she vaguely remembers how to get to, which was the bazaar. she figures she needs better shoes if she’s going to possibly start on a futile quest of just walking around aimlessly, in search of any of her friends.

 

but the shoe thing doesn’t work out. so she has to toughen up and just keep walking wherever her feet lead her next.

 

* * *

 

another thing about jumanji is that apparently if you’re not united with your party, then the game never starts. martha hasn’t really encountered any threats thus far. besides usual jungle things like big cats and insects. but she can deal with those, at least as ruby.

 

but there’s no nigel. no tutorial. at the bazaar, most NPCs don’t even talk to her since she isn’t dr. bravestone. it’s like being invisible. or maybe it’s like that joke where you move things around when somebody isn’t looking to see if they notice when they turn back around.

 

it’s strange. because martha figures the game separated them as part of the game. so it should still be going on as usual, right? but she’s also grateful. because if she had to play it alone she’d die. and she doesn’t want to die if she doesn’t have to.

 

but, eventually, she does lose one of her lives. it’s over a stupid mistake. she had forgotten to check the water she was treading across for hippos. piranhas. flesh-eating bacteria. stuff that could still kill her.

 

she isn’t sure what gets her, but at least when she respawns again she’s on the other side of the water. she doesn’t even bother peering into the water to see what got her. she just turns away and keeps walking. it’s her best bet. she can’t think about it.

 

the thing about dying once is that it makes you know it. she knows what death feels like, even if it’s virtual. it’s still death. and it makes her fear it. because she has but so many lives.

 

and also because death fucking hurts. but that’s obvious.

 

* * *

 

the first person martha finds is bethany.

 

she had been up in the treetops, trying to scout from there because ruby can jump on strong branches quite easily. all she had to do was locate the source of what was definitely bethany’s shrill screaming.

 

martha finally catches bethany in quicksand. because of course this game just has random comical pits of quicksand. she shouts at bethany from the vantage point of her tree branch.

 

bethany whips her head up, her hat falling off and being done away with into the sand, ”MARTHA?”

 

“of course it’s martha!” martha allows ruby’s instincts to kick in, as she fashions a rope from a vine in an attempt to pull bethany out, ”now grab on!”

 

but she isn’t fast enough, because bethany had quite some time to sink. and ruby’s physical strength isn’t as impressive as her defensive strength. so martha watches bethany go under screaming.

 

it takes a moment for bethany to respawn. by then, martha climbed back down to the ground and onto what looks like steady ground.

 

bethany pats her body down a couple times, breathing hard, ”oh thank GOD.”

 

then she checks her wrist. martha sees she has two lives left. it’s better than one life.

 

then bethany looks at martha. her lips are pulled into a fond grin as she opens her arms wide, ”martha! thank GOD.”

 

bethany pulls her into a hug, squeezing martha as hard as she can. she buries her face into martha’s collarbone until martha gets out, ”you’re squishing me!” and bethany lets her go.

 

bethany looks around her, eyes peeled, ”so you haven’t found fridge? .. spencer?”

 

“no. i’m assuming you haven’t seen them either?”

 

bethany’s eyebrows furrow, ”i haven’t.”

 

“we have to find them.”

 

bethany nods. it’s just an obvious statement. martha reviews all the places she’s pretty sure she’s been just based on memory. bethany’s skill set allows her to remember the map and landmarks much better. although, without the physical map she can’t accomplish much else.

 

so they’re just going to have to walk. which is what martha has been doing. and what bethany, presumably, had been doing before the quicksand incident.

 

after walking for a bit, bethany says, ”i’m glad you found me. i don’t like being alone. nobody to talk to.”

 

martha nods along to her talking.

 

* * *

 

here’s something martha is grateful for--it’s much easier to build shelter for the night when you have someone to help.

 

it’s obvious. she knows it’s obvious. but for the past few days she had been doing it herself. with bethany, it passes by so much faster. even if bethany is mainly just directing martha on what to do while martha does it.

 

but bethany also tells martha an anecdote about how one time she went camping with her dad and her little brother set one of their tents on fire because he wanted to see if bug spray is flammable. and the way bethany tells stories is funny. so martha is entertained.

 

it’s better than when she was alone in her thoughts. because her thoughts had mainly been ‘don’t die’ and ‘i need to find someone’ looping in her head ad nauseum. so bethany fills her mind with the thought of her dad running out his tent in the middle of the night yelling ‘WHERE’S THE FIRE?’ before proceeding to slip on mud and land face-first on the ground.

 

martha still isn’t used to seeing bethany’s mannerisms and speech patterns come out of her avatar. it doesn’t line up. still, this is the most she’s ever talked to bethany. this is the most she’s even been in bethany’s presence, given the fact that they barely even had classes together.

 

after they build a half-decent fire and shelter, bethany breaks into martha’s thoughts--

 

“you ever gonna tell me about yourself?”

 

“huh?”

 

“martha,” and bethany uses a tone on her like martha’s mother would use. slow. trying to draw out an obvious answer. bethany even crosses her arm and taps her foot, ” _come onnnn!_ ”

 

“well. um. i’m martha-”

 

“duh!”

 

“and, i.. i’m trying to get into princeton. i like biology. science in general, i suppose. i like, um.. i enjoy most academic things, if i’m being honest.”

 

bethany holds her tongue on calling martha a dork. or telling her that trying to get into princeton isn’t a personality trait. because she doesn’t really believe it is. but she wants to be martha’s friend, and she knows it’d be rude.

 

so what she goes for is, ”do you like crosswords?”

 

martha doesn’t respond for a second, ”do i like.. crosswords?”

 

“yeah. that’s a thing smart people like to do, right? crosswords and stuff?”

 

“that’s not really a.. nevermind,” martha tries her best to talk because she knows bethany needs conversation like air, ”i’ve done crosswords before, sure.”

 

“are they hard?”

 

“um? depends?”

 

“i could never finish a crossword.”

 

and then martha decides they need to rest for the next day. bethany agrees.

 

* * *

 

they spend a lot of time walking. walking and occasionally martha will scale a tree just to get a vantage point of where they are. where they’re going.

 

usually, she’ll describe any major landmark she sees and bethany will rack her brain (or shelly’s brain, rather) and try to place them on the map she had in their first game.

 

of course, it isn’t the greatest strategy. because knowing where they are doesn’t exactly help them find who they’re looking for.

 

martha keeps cursing herself for not establishing a meeting place with spencer before they.. yeah.

 

but it’s not like she thought they’d be separated like this! but, of course, that doesn’t stop her from having hindsight. she wants to stop being mad at herself because she knows that she shouldn’t be thinking about it. but it’s not like she can just stop, either.

 

bethany is good company. she thinks most things are really funny--trees that have fallen over in weird ways, or sounds birds make when they fly away. she’s deathly afraid of giant spiders, and claps with great gusto every time martha kicks one in half. she has a story to go with every situation, so martha isn’t allowed to be stuck in her own head for the most part.

 

truthfully, at first, martha thought bethany’s talking was mind-numbing dribble. which is what she thought of bethany any time she heard her open her mouth at school.  just air being pushed out. oxygen going to waste filling her lungs to loudly brag about her boyfriend who works at some mall kiosk that sells hoverboards despite those being a quickly-dying fad.

 

bethany talking was just an excuse for martha to roll her eyes. tune her out. mumble out loud to herself ‘who cares?’ in hopes somebody would listen and agree with her.

 

but martha likes bethany now. that’s the thing.

 

nothing bethany is telling her now is different. it’s still stories about one of her ex-boyfriends doing something dumb like buying her six cartons of juice because ‘they were on sale, babe! i got them for you, babe!’. but now martha thinks it’s funny because why on _earth_ would anyone think that’s a good gift?

 

truthfully, bethany is hilarious. because she’s over-the-top. because she doesn’t care. because nobody either of them know is within earshot, so bethany can say whatever she feels like.

 

martha can’t say much back. she’s never had a boyfriend. an ex-boyfriend. and her life isn’t very funny because she doesn’t know very many people in order to recite back weird personal details about them. she can’t exchange very much gossip to bethany.

 

but she can definitely listen.

 

* * *

 

they aren’t making much progress. despite their best collective effort, bethany eventually realizes they’ve made a huge circle. not only did they make a huge circle, but it was entirely through jungle. hard, back-breaking, jungle expedition.

 

one of the major drawbacks of being professor oberon is bethany still can’t get used to his endurance levels. for the most part, it seems like martha can keep walking forever. or at least until the sun starts to set and she mentions that they need to set up camp to rest.

 

bethany tried to follow at martha’s pace, but it wasn’t very sustainable for her. eventually, she just had to signal for a timeout every time she needed to rest and regain some breath.

 

bethany knows that martha doesn’t hold it against her. martha doesn’t seem to mind all too much, because sitting in jumanji always fairs better than possibly walking into another very obvious instrument for their demise. but she still feels guilty. and embarrassed.

 

“i don’t normally need to rest this much,” bethany mentions eventually.

 

“i know.”

 

“i know you know. but i gotta say it,” bethany shrugs, ”the jungle needs a starbucks. i just want iced coffee. i bet i could walk more if i were caffeinated.”

 

martha laughs at this, covering her mouth.

 

“what? is that funny?” bethany is already joining in laughing, even if she feels like martha might just be laughing at her.

 

“it’s just,” martha is managing to get out, ”we could die at LITERALLY any moment and you’re thinking about coffee?”

 

“do you think that’s stupid?”

 

“no!” martha pauses for a moment, ”bethany, no.”

 

“really? like.. honestly?”

 

“honestly,” martha awkwardly seats herself next to bethany on the ground. close. but not too close as to invade her personal space, ”you’re really.. optimistic? optimistically pessimistic, um, i guess? you just don’t have a really a traditional way of viewing things, and that’s interesting? if i had to put a word to it, exactly.”

 

“pssh,” bethany snorts, ”is there really a traditional way to react to being put through a video game where you can, like.. die? and basically have cool ninja powers-”

 

“i wouldn’t call it ‘ninja’ powers, necessarily-”

 

“okay. point. but i mean--there isn’t a real way to react to any of this because it’s weird and, like, kind of evil? i was eaten by a fucking HIPPO. legit.”

 

“this game is evil.”

 

“it IS. i don’t care if i’m learning some dumbass life lesson at this point. i’ve died four times at this point. like.. big whoop? kill me again. whatever! we’ll just restart again and i’ll die some more. or maybe i won’t. either way, who cares.”

 

“death.. does become kind of pointless once you know it isn’t permanent. you’re right about that,” martha is mainly thinking to herself at this point. trying to wrap her head around bethany’s thought process.

 

“i just don’t want to, like.. die forever i guess. in this game. because it would totally blow. then my life would be just like alex’s. my parents would completely lose their shit, god. i can’t have that.”

 

“alex’s life outside the game was like that because he never could leave the game.”

 

“damn,” bethany exhales hard. she must have forgotten, ”then we gotta get out. we gotta beat this thing.”

 

“we’re trying.”

 

“i don’t know,” but bethany trails off. eventually, she stands up again, ”let’s just keep walking. i’m done thinking too hard about this shit.”

 

martha wants to feel the same way.

 

* * *

 

bethany is comfortable. her clothes don’t stay dirty for long. she doesn’t have to worry about shaving. she stays perfect. she stays the way she came into the game. no maintenance required.

 

she used to wake up early every day to shave. to pick out an outfit. and it was work. she liked the work.

 

but she also likes the lack of work. because then she can sleep in. and after hours of walking around, she needs to sleep in.

 

and she can’t help but to be a little jealous of martha. because she’s stuck as ruby roundhouse. and ruby roundhouse is tall and hot and doesn’t need to shave EVER. they’re in the middle of the fucking jungle and ruby’s hair stays perfect. ridiculous.

 

and it does make her a little bit mad that martha doesn’t even care about any of that. in fact, martha hates it. and bethany doesn’t want to hate martha. but it kind of makes her hate martha just on principle.

 

ruby doesn’t even sweat that much since she’s supposed to be perfect. just enough sweat to be realistic, not enough that’ll even reflect how humid it is outside.

 

still, martha allows bethany to french braid her hair into pigtails just because bethany suggests it’ll keep her hair off her neck. and bethany can’t help but to think to herself ‘like it’ll even make you sweat THAT much’.

 

but, once bethany swats down her envious side, she remembers ruby looks cute with braids. and that she likes braiding hair. it makes it feel like she’s at a slumber party rather than trapped in a game with a goal to kill her.

 

and martha likes having the braids. because when she thinks bethany won’t notice, she flips her hair side-to-side just to get a feel for them. and, god, bethany thinks it’s cute. because martha won’t talk to her and bethany just has to pick up on cues in order to feel out martha’s mood.

 

so bethany forgets her jealousy.

 

* * *

 

“you’re a nerd, yeah?” bethany asks questions for the sake of starting conversation. she knows the answer, but getting martha to talk about herself without a prompt is simply pulling teeth.

 

“yeah,” martha also isn’t too big into bragging. especially out  of her element. out of her own body and world.

 

they’re laying down in one of their shelters. it’s gotten quicker to build since it’s so ingrained into a routine at this point. it’s not very comfortable, but trying to have basic comforts in the game is next to impossible.

 

“do you date nerds? cuz, y’know, jocks usually date jocks. preps date preps. nerds date nerds.”

 

“i don’t think that’s a truism, but,” martha shrugs, pushes her hair back since it keeps falling in front of her eyes, even as she lays down it manages to get in her face, ”i haven’t really dated anyone before, so..”

 

“okay--so who’s your type? nerds?”

 

“i guess,” martha feels her face flushing. even in a different body she can’t avoid being easily embarrassed.

 

bethany elbows her, ”sooo, like spencer right? he’s a total nerd. and he totally seemed into you.”

 

martha covers her cheeks, mumbling,” i hardly know him.”

 

and it had been so long since they had talked. martha had been with bethany, and only bethany for so long. bethany had been her companion for the longest at this point. she could hardly remember spencer’s (the real spencer’s) face, let alone dr. bravestone’s.

 

of course, martha can’t really remember bethany’s real face much either. which makes her antsy because bethany made sure everyone knew her face. it meant that bethany definitely could not remember martha’s real face.

 

she was a nobody. she didn’t even like her own face. bethany would have never bothered looking at her, she figures.

 

“when we find him,” bethany sounds confident, ”you should ask him out. and then when we get out of here you can be in nerd-love together. it’ll be totally adorable in a geek kinda way.” she seems pleased with her proclamation.

 

“i’m not sure,” martha is too busy thinking about how she may eventually forget her own face at this point to think about spencer. too busy thinking to pay attention to bethany.

 

but bethany notices, ”attention to martha!” she snaps her fingers over martha’s face, ”c’mon!”

 

“what?”

 

“you could just TELL me you’re not interested in spencer. i was just teasing because i thought you were.”

 

“i’m not.”

 

“for real?”

 

“um, yeah.. for real. i mainly just want to find him. and fridge. and then go home.”

 

“i can respect that,” she pauses for a moment, ”so you’re not even interested once you’re OUT of the game?”

 

“why does it matter so much?”

 

“i’m booooored,” bethany flops over to lay on her side facing martha, ”relationship stuff is interesting to me. indulge a girl, won’t you?”

 

“well, uh,” martha can feel bethany’s eyes on her, ”what do you want me to talk about?”

 

“okay.. hm. let me think,” bethany snaps again, ”what’s a good first date, in your opinion?”

 

“maybe we.. go to the movies? and, uh.. see a movie?”

 

“BZZT! no. definitely not a good first date. if you go to the movie then you can’t talk to each other! you just awkwardly sit next to one another. that just doesn’t work for establishing chemistry.”

 

“can’t you talking about the movie afterwards? because it gives you an easier common ground since you both watched it together?” martha isn’t sure why she’s caving in to this of all conversations. she mainly wants to make bethany happy. but she can’t help but to also be invested.

 

“no! bzzt, BZZT! because if you disagree on the movie then it’ll be even worse. some arguments can’t be playful flirting if you don’t establish, like, a dynamic of talking to one another first. things could go sour sooo quickly. like. you wouldn’t believe.”

 

martha finds her lips curling into a smile. she can’t help but to tease, ”is this from experience?”

 

bethany huffs, ”what? no!” but immediately, ”SO his name was justin and-”

 

and martha listens to her. and eventually, bethany rests her head on martha’s shoulder while she’s talking. and, martha thinks to herself, that she really has a friend.

 

* * *

 

bethany has eaten nothing but fruit for what feels like a week. with her and martha’s combined know-how, they managed to find edible fruits in order to keep their health up so they don’t have to keep backtracking and resetting out from the bazaar any time they feel weak.

 

in the game, having a balanced diet doesn’t really mean much. food is food. drinking anything counts for something. it all replenishes their health either way.

 

it makes for a very uninteresting day. they wake up. eat. walk until bethany needs to rest. walk until they need to set up a shelter. eat again. then go to bed. repeat. repeat. repeat.

 

and it’s making bethany feel crazy. like she’s unsteady because she isn’t sure how long her and martha have been walking around for at this point. soon, she could probably identify every notable twist and turn in the jungle. and the part of her that is shelly oberon wants nothing more than to map out all the inconsequential trees and tiny creeks in full detail.

 

and, bethany considers, she might just do that. because they haven’t found spencer or fridge. and she isn’t even sure if they’re alive still. so if finding them is going to be futile, then bethany might as well spend her time doing something. or she’ll start to feel unwell.

 

she’s pretty sure martha realizes that they might be dead as well. but she keeps looking. she keeps quizzing bethany on where they are and if she’s ‘100% positive’ that they ‘haven’t been here before, right?’. and bethany is pretty sure at this point. because mentally she’s already begun crafting her perfect jungle map.

 

and bethany wants to keep trying. but it’s getting hard to not believe they just need to kill themselves a couple of times to reset the game again because the others are definitely dead at this point. but she doesn’t want to tell martha. because martha will freak out. probably.

 

but they move from the jungle to a more open area for a while. once the fruit supply is up, they use a bag from the bazaar to lug it all around. they’re closer to the rockier edges and steeper climbs, so bethany has to swap hiking around trees and vines for trying to safely climb down rocks without breaking her arm in the process.

 

martha mainly helps her. she keeps a hand steady on bethany’s back for balance, mostly.

 

bethany thinks it’s funny,” this probably looks so feminist. because i look like a guy and i need help from a girl and stuff.”

 

“i don’t know if that’s how it works,” martha is mainly looking down, watching bethany’s steps for her so she doesn’t have to worry. because martha is a good friend.

 

“really it’s double-feminist. because i’m a girl, technically. and you’re a girl helping me. we’re like, empowering one another.”

 

“bethany, i really need you to watch your step,” martha warns.

 

“i think even though i don’t look like a girl, i’m still obviously a girl. i’ve made shelly oberon a girl, in a way? oh my god, that’s even MORE feminist.”

 

“bethany, please be careful-”

 

“MARTHA. i’m just trying to-”

 

but bethany slips. martha fumbles to grip her, but misses.

 

the fall isn’t too bad. bethany doesn’t die from it. she’s mainly winded. oh, and she’s definitely twisted her ankle. because she’s done cheerleading before, briefly, and she knows what a twisted ankle feels like.

 

martha hops down a few ledges to reach her, ”bethany? bethany?” she just keeps saying bethany’s name while she’s too winded to respond to her. she’s laying on the ground.

 

jesus. bethany begins to realize martha probably thinks she’s dying. but she can’t sit up just yet, so when martha leans overtop of her and her hair surrounds her like a curtain, bethany can only take in shallow breaths and stare back up at her.

 

and. jesus. martha is definitely crying. bethany decides that once she can breath again, then she’ll definitely have to make fun of martha for getting so attached to her. but for now, she just tries to focus on calming herself down.

 

when she finally comes back to, martha hugs her. hard. and martha has never hugged her. she squeezes bethany, but is still mindful of squeezing too tight.

 

she says, quietly. seriously, ”i was so scared.”

 

martha might be bethany’s best friend.

 

* * *

 

“do you still feel like martha?”

 

the question comes from out of the blue while martha is trying to wrap bethany’s ankle.  

 

dirt on the clothes? temporary. ankle injury? that’s what needs to be permanent. martha just chalks it up to the game being evil like bethany insists to her.

 

and martha doesn't have the heart to sugar-coat it because she thinks they've been there for a month and keeping track of just that would send her into a deep depression. she settles with, ”sometimes. do you feel like bethany?”

 

“yeah! of course I do.”

 

at first, the cynic in martha wants to chalk it up to bethany being too shallow to consider her dual-existence much deeper. but she also remembers how uncomfortable bethany was in her body at first. so, if anything, bethany is coping. and she's surpassing martha.

 

and martha guesses this might have been what bethany was getting at before she had fallen.

 

“it’s like.. i feel different. but i know i'm me. and nobody else is me because that’d be crazy, right? i'm the one and only bethany. professor sheldon whatever is fictional, but i’m the real deal that's, like, possessing him. so. i know i’m me.”

 

“do you.. like it?”

 

“what? being stuck in a different body?”

 

martha nods, eyes darting towards the ground because she feels invasive. but bethany seems to think it over quickly, ”hm. guess i do!”

 

“why?”

 

“ _weeeeeell_. it’s different. which i wasn’t cool with at first because, like, i like myself? like--i like being bethany. and being in my body and stuff because that’s, like.. bethany’s body. my body, yeah?”

 

“yeah?”

 

“but since i know i’m bethany it’s kind of like the body doesn’t matter.  you would look at me the exact same way no matter what i look like. or, at least i think you would? because you react to people really bluntly, like. you listen to people's words and stuff mainly? so i’d still be bethany so who really, you know… cares?”

 

martha thinks to herself that she cares. she keeps waiting for her skin to peel away and for martha’s (her!) body to emerge from the curled flesh. the real martha.

 

“aww, hun,” martha finds bethany’s hand squeezing her shoulder,” it’s totally fine if you don’t feel the same way. it won’t hurt my feelings or anything, okay? we can all have really weird thoughts about our really weird situation. you can girltalk about it with me if that’ll make you feel better.”

 

“i’m not upset.”

 

“oh, i call bullshit! you’re making a pouty puppy face. i KNOW that look, martha. you feel really left out because you don’t like being ruby roundkick or whatever her name is.”

 

“i don’t.” martha keeps her voice quiet. she doesn’t like to talk too much. bethany fills the void.

 

“i mean, if we’re looking at it on a character-level then i don’t like being a dinosaur professor or whatever. snooze. they’re already dead. let’s move on.”

 

“paleontology is all fossils. not strictly dinosaurs.”  

 

“whatever. double-snooze.”

 

“... so your point is?”

 

“that it’s not about the character it’s about, like… how you choose to live. or whatever. i’m living as me, right? and you’re still living as martha! because i know you’re martha and you’re acting like _such_ a martha.”

 

“you think so?”

 

“uh, duh! i know so.”

 

and martha’s face flushes. because bethany _knows_ her. she _knows_ martha. and she’s still martha. so that’s good. bethany is just looking at her. ruby. martha.

 

eventually, bethany catches martha’s gaze, ”it’s not because i look like a nerd, right?”

 

“huh?”

 

“the reason why you keep staring at me--it doesn’t have to do with the fact that i look like a nerd.”

 

martha isn’t sure what bethany means at first until their conversation about types comes back to her. the tops of her ears feel warm. she shakes her head vehemently.

 

“it’s fine if that’s why. because i guess it’d be kinda funny if you got a crush on me? i mean, like, on professor shelly whatever-the-hell-his-last-name-is,” bethany shrugs,” it’s cool if you want to stare, i guess. just remember i’m not a nerd.”

 

“i’ll,” martha swallows what feels like a lead ball, as it settles in her stomach, ”keep that in mind.”

 

“boys used to stare at me a lot,” she’s pouting now,” but this game has zero boys. or, well, zero cute boys. and even if it did, i don’t think it’d be the same.”

 

“i’m sorry.” martha understands. in a way. she feels very exposed as ruby. NPCs leer at her from time-to-time. and even if martha reminds herself that it’s just a game and that’s just a programmed reaction--she can’t help but to feel her skin crawl.

 

even simply being looked at makes her feel uneasy. because it isn’t the same as being viewed as martha. she’s ruby. she’s called ruby. she has ruby’s mind and abilities and if she’s ruby partly then, she wonders, does a little bit of martha leave her to fill up her mind with pieces of ruby?

 

and if she stays as ruby for too long when does she stop being martha officially? will ruby’s memories and abilities overtake martha’s own until she can’t remember microbiology? or is it when bethany loses all her lives and martha is left alone without a single person calling her by the right name that she’ll be forced into being ruby?

 

martha knows it’s best that she doesn’t think about it too much because it makes her feel scared and unsure, and being off her game could easily result in death. but also, if she doesn’t think about it a lot then she’s scared she’ll forget her goal is to actually leave the game and continue being martha. the real martha. the one bethany thinks she sees.

 

* * *

 

martha is thankful they’ve managed to finish their rock climbing for now. she’s mainly had to half-carry bethany in order for bethany to stop complaining about her ankle and wailing ‘jumanji, PLEASE give me a fucking tylenol’. or the, even worse, ‘just kill me so i can respawn with my ankle healed’ and ‘just push me off that dangerous cliff over there, c’mon, i won’t feel a thing’.

 

now that walking is a little easier since martha finds a half-decent walking stick of a branch on the flat ground, the conversation loops back into being easier to stomach.

 

they mainly talk about jumanji’s perfect weather. the same every day. they like to talk about the weather a lot because it’s easy. martha even kind of finds it to be like an inside joke at this point.

 

she likes to begin her day by rolling over to bethany and asking ‘what’s the weather look like?’ and bethany will stick her hand out of their shelter like how someone would press their hand against the glass to learn the temperature outside. and she’ll say something like  ‘hmm, i think it might rain later’. and they both laugh like they haven’t heard that one before.

 

they used to make fun of other things in the game like that. like how alex could make good martinis and how that’s totally not a useful ability to have. or fridge’s giant backpack. but, now, mentioning that just seems.. somber. because the longer they go, the more unlikely it seems their friends will ever be found. so it’s moved into an unspoken territory.

 

clothing, recently, has become a big topic. it started with bethany letting martha try on her, shelly’s, glasses. the conversation was half ‘this guy can’t see anything!’ and half bethany cooing ‘martha come closer so i can see you! you look so cute in my glasses!’.

 

then they talked about ruby’s top that martha despises. which makes bethany pout because she has a red top just like that in her closet at home. but bethany agrees that it doesn’t fit with martha’s personality at all.

 

“the fingerless gloves?” bethany points to martha’s, ruby’s, hands at the object in question, ”they’re kinda stylish.”

 

“are they not, um, ‘sooo last season’?”

 

“girl, nobody says that anymore--it’s faux pas and all! and they’re cool. i used to wear fingerless gloves in middle school cuz it was edgy and stuff.”

 

“you?” martha can’t help but to smile, ”edgy?”

 

“yes--me! edgy! i was suuuuper edgy because it was middle school and my parents were getting divorced and i was just PISSED. like, all the time pissed off. i had fingerless gloves and wore SO MUCH eyeshadow but, like, red eyeshadow so it looked like i had been sobbing.”

 

“i had some too,” martha is mumbling. but bethany hears her.

 

“were you edgy?”

 

“kind of? i mainly just wanted to slip right into the walls and stuff and be invisible. looking alternative was the second best option. nobody wanted to talk to the weird and quiet girl.”

 

bethany never thinks about anything for too long. maybe it makes martha a bit jealous, since she has to lull things over in her mind for quite some time before, usually, deciding it’s best to say nothing. bethany just speaks her mind with full enthusiasm.

 

“do you think we would have been friends? y’know, if we had talked in middle school? i know you didn’t want attention and i wanted attention but, like. imagine.”

 

“i guess we could have bonded over the gloves.”

 

“we’re kinda doing that now!”

 

“yeah,” martha can feel the goofy smile creeping onto her face. she has to mumble out, ”we are.”

 

“if we were middle school friends i think my life would have been super different. which is kinda scary to imagine but maybe it’d be cool?”

 

“we’ll never know.”

 

“ugh! we’ll never know.”

 

martha thinks to herself about the timeline where her and bethany are friends outside of this game. then she thinks about the timeline where they’ve gotten out of this game because she thinks about that the most. it claws at the corners of her mind in any silent moment because she swears, she’s positive, that they’ve done it.

 

she’s also positive that they’re never going to make it out of the game. just by how multiple timelines work, some are doomed to fail while others are allowed to succeed. some are completely null and void. and she’s pretty sure this has got to be a failure.

 

and so the faint memory of a victory from another timeline that lives in the corners of her mind is near-torture. because she also knows that the existence of a success does not deem a failure. the timelines aren’t codependent on the outcome of the other. and that’s what frustrates her--

 

they’ve got to have won before. but it doesn’t matter. because they’re not going to win this time.

 

but at least they can entertain one another for the time being.

 

* * *

 

the first time martha and bethany kiss is sitting next to their shoddily made campfire. they had been talking for a while about their classes  and homework and the like when bethany and leaned over and--

 

it's the first time martha had kissed anyone. bethany cups martha's, ruby's, face with her (shelly's) hands. martha isn't sure how to kiss back. she doesn't know if she even wants to. shelly's beard isn't soft against her face, so she pulls away soon.

 

bethany is staring at her from behind shelly's glasses, which glow by the light of the fire. she licks her lower lip, ”okay?”

 

martha isn't sure how to respond. or if she should respond.

 

bethany's expression softens, ”not okay?”

 

martha shrugs at this.

 

“is it because i'm..?” bethany stops herself because she isn’t quite sure what to finish the sentence with.

 

martha shrugs again.

 

bethany is trying to conceal frustration. everything with martha is so much harder then what she's used to, ”i'm sorry. i just miss it.” because she had a boyfriend and everyone wanted to be with her and she needs something. anything. her ankle hurts. and she’s so, so tired.

 

“it's fine.”

 

“pinky promise?”

 

martha pinky promises her.

 

* * *

 

martha wonders what will happen once they get out of the game. do their characters cease to exist? or do their lives go on?

 

do they speak to each other the way the NPCs talk to one another? stilted and scripted. entirely laid out for them. predetermined.

 

will ruby and shelly have faint memories of martha and bethany, just like how martha can recall ruby's childhood if she tries hard enough? or will that all be completely wiped?

 

martha imagines professor oberon and ruby roundhouse running into each other at the bazaar, being filled with an out-of-reach memory that leads them to both say--'do i know you?’.

 

she wants to leave some impact. to prove she was here. that her time mattered.

 

she pitches the idea to bethany, who laughs and says, ”i think they aren’t real, so it doesn’t matter.”

 

martha can’t tell if it’s comforting.

 

* * *

 

they narrowly escape a pit of snakes.

 

in reflection, bethany mentions how the pit of snakes is similar to how the quicksand had killed her. it all had happened too fast to process.

 

venom from the snakes would have killed martha in an instant. it would have killed bethany, too, because she's a human and venom in a high enough amount would have killed anyone.

 

but they make it out. martha dragging bethany straight with her. and bethany can't help but to laugh because there's just an evil pit of evil snakes that only serve the goal to kill them. like.. what?

 

she finds it funny because she's pretty sure she has to.

 

martha laughs along with her because they just keep running even though they know they aren't being followed. eventually, they fall on the ground together laughing.

 

“snakes!” bethany manages to get out.

 

“was the rest of the game not enough? were we making too much progress, so they had to spring snakes onto us?” martha splays her fingers out in front of her face, her arms extended, ”i just can’t believe we out-ran a hole filled with snakes.”

 

bethany remembers her ankle isn't healed properly yet when the pain comes back to her. she winces, ”oh, girl. we should have not tried to run. ow.”

 

martha makes it her duty to inspect bethany's ankle, ”i can wrap it again? if you'd like?”

 

“can't you just kill me? KIDDING! I'm kidding. don't do the face, martha,” bethany flops her arms to her sides, knowing martha is trying to act like she isn't hurt, ”forget i said anything. wrap away.”

 

martha had known bethany to be a mean girl.

 

at school, she was a popular girl. she was a mean, popular, girl. she told it like it was, even if it wasn't how anything was. she didn't care.

 

martha knew that she dropped friends without second consideration. in the halls, martha would pass girls standing the in corner, crying. and she'd learn later that day via eavesdropping that bethany had told them off to their face before first period has even ended.

 

it was simple. you were either in her posse or you're against her. no bullshit. no in-between.

 

and the boys she dated? she'd go through them quickly. burning them out. then they'd be gone, disappearing from the eye of the student body almost as quickly as they came in.

 

martha was scared of her. and she thought she was better than her at the same time. and, she figured, if she never talked to bethany then she'd avoid her wrath. she'd avoid being made fun of the second she turned around.

 

but bethany isn't mean. she isn't self-obsessed. she's just a girl.

 

martha finds that bethany burns like a brilliant sun. she torches those who get close. or--she did. now she’s a sun stuck inside someone else’s system.

 

martha thinks bethany is pretty. her magnificent, bright, eyes that shine from behind sheldon oberon’s glasses. that’s why she can’t look at bethany for too long. she’s afraid of being swallowed whole by bethany’s gravity.

 

* * *

 

sometimes they like to discuss theories when it's late and neither of them can sleep.

 

some theories have included that the reason why the weather is the same each day is because they're stuck on a time loop of the same day.

 

another is that martha and bethany are playing the game in one session, while fridge and spencer have to beat it in their own session. maybe alex has to do his solo? or maybe he's with the other boys?  they haven't worked out the kinks in that one yet.

 

an especially cruel one bethany devises is that martha and her are the fictional ones, while ruby and shelly are real. martha doesn't like that.

 

either way, it passes the time until one of them eventually falls asleep. sometimes they even have funny theories that just relate to what they can remember of their characters’ backstories. one is that mouse was cursed by an amulet to explode whenever he ate cake, thus explaining away the cake weakness.

 

martha and bethany find themselves joking a lot about dr. bravestone and mouse as characters. for one, bethany decides bravestone makes mouse examine every treasure prior to bravestone touching it like a poison checker for the royal throne would. which is how the whole cake curse occurred.

 

martha adds to the lore by saying that mouse only sticks around with bravestone because he's using the recognition in the tabloids to one day raise funds to open a zoo.

 

so they stop being theories and kind of evolve into stories. but that's okay. they fill the same purpose as before, martha figures.

 

* * *

 

bethany likes herself. not in a self-obsessed way. though, she has been there.

 

right now. she likes herself. she catches a glimpse of her reflection when she's getting water and she likes her stupid round nerd glasses. she's not a nerd, but she desperately needs them to see. she likes that they serve a function.

 

she likes the dorky bowtie. she's never worn one. it looks good on her as sheldon oberon. she holds herself in a way that's stylish enough to make a fucking bowtie work!

 

and, she decides this eventually, she likes the sound of her voice. it's different. sometimes she'll catch herself saying a word that she hasn't said in her voice yet and it'll make her giddy like she's just said her first word ever.

 

and the way martha looks at her makes her happy. because martha knows she's not a nerd. so martha looks at her sometimes like she.. really sees her. she sees bethany.

 

so, bethany figures, this is her. because she knows she's going to be in this game forever at this point. and being nostalgic for her old looks is reductive.

 

before she just felt comfortable as shelly because she was the real one inside of his body. but now shelly is just her. he's bethany. she's bethany, rather.

 

bethany isn't sure how to describe what she's feeling. she isn't even sure how to say it to martha. but she thinks martha sees her in the same way, so maybe there really isn't any point in saying anything.

 

they're laughing over something together, and bethany has been laughing at it for some long that she can't even remember how they got to the point they're at.

 

“bethany, stop! you keep cracking me up all over again!” martha has her face pressed into bethany's shoulder, and she's holding onto bethany for balance's sake.

 

“WHAT? like.. WHAT is so funny?” but bethany keeps laughing.

 

“it's,” martha is giggling, ”okay, the original thing was funny but mainly I'm laughing at your laughter.”

 

“yeah?”

 

“yeah,” the conversation is at least making them calm down and stop cackling like hyenas, ”it's just.. so, um.. cute? it makes me laugh.”

 

and bethany hasn't blushed over something in a long time. and usually it'd take a lot to make her blush. she stops laughing entirely.

 

“what?” martha pulls back, looks at bethany seriously, ”i’m really sorry, bethany, i understand how you feel because it's not technically your laughter, and-”

 

“it's cool,” bethany says. and she means it.

 

she really means it.

 

* * *

 

the second time martha and bethany kiss is after martha wakes up the the middle of the night. she's had a dream, or rather, a nightmare, for what feels like the first time in forever.

 

she can't recall it because all she can do is breathe like her lungs won't fill up with all the air she needs. she just keeps gasping, clenching her fists. totally and completely locked up, unable to shake bethany awake just so she can hear her voice.

 

eventually, bethany wakes up. groggily, she rolls over and throws and arm around martha's lap, expecting her to be laying down.

 

bethany cracks an eye open, trying to figure out what was going on in the darkness and without her glasses on.

 

“nightmare,” martha has, for the most part, regained her ability to speak.

 

“mm? nightmare?” bethany is mainly echoing back to her.

 

“yeah. just a nightmare.”

 

“tell me about it,” bethany says vaguely, probably already halfway to falling asleep again. she tugs at martha with the arm on her lap,” come baaack.  'm cold.”

 

martha complies, taking in even breaths at this point. bethany wiggles up close to her, arm pulling martha in. bethany kisses somewhere in martha's hair and mumbles 'night’.

 

martha stays awake for a few more minutes, wondering if she's missed her window of opportunity to kiss bethany's hair. but she starts to get tired imagining the thought and eventually drifts back off.

 

* * *

 

martha gets used to bethany playing with her hair.

 

when she's eating dinner, bethany likes to braid and un-braid it while sitting behind her. when they're laying down at night, bethany plays with the ends of it. every morning, bethany braids or parts it a new way.

 

it gives her something to do. something to look forward to. she can tell bethany is thinking about what to do with it next. considering.

 

martha likes the feeling. the attention that's just for her. the way bethany's fingers feel running through her hair as she complains about how martha doesn't even need to condition it or wash it for comb it. so on.

 

she, eventually, tries to return the gesture. when bethany's hat is off and she's sitting down, resting from walking.

 

they've been travelling alongside a river for the past few days. bethany swears the game is just adding in new assets at this point, because she cannot even remember a river being around this part of the jungle. she's stressed. frustrated.

 

martha knows her ankle still hurts. and she's pretty sure bethany misses coffee. and sushi. and mcdonalds french fries.

 

and if bethany is thinking the obvious like martha has been, then she knows that they've truthfully given up searching for anything at this point. so they're stuck here. never changing. never encountering other people. and they can't see their families. friends. so on.

 

so it's stressful. because it's not like they can just give up. but at this point, giving up seems like the only option. because the tide is just going to keep rising over their heads. holding them under, trapped. and the game can't be fought.

 

so martha sits next to her and reaches her hand out. slowly. like she was approaching a dog without a collar that was sitting in her front yard. she laces her fingers into the hair along the nape of bethany's neck.

 

bethany tenses up. her shoulders rise. martha pulls her hand away like she's touched the stovetop and mumbles out a quick apology.

 

“sorry, martha!” bethany grabs at her hands, ”martha, you're fine, okay? i just didn't expect that from you, yeah?”

 

and martha feels kind of guilty. because bethany might think that martha doesn't like her. doesn't ever want to touch her.

 

even when they seem to be the only people left in their never-ending trek, martha still feels guilty. like eyes are on her. like she's being played. or like the game is judging her.

 

because, god, she wants to touch bethany.

 

but she can't because she doesn't know how and she isn't even in her body and she feels like someone can read her thoughts and that makes her uneasy.

 

“i want to,” martha pushes out. she can't say the rest.

 

“then do it,” bethany's voice is comforting.

 

martha runs her fingers through bethany's hair. just a few times because she thinks it's a little awkward at this point. bethany closes her eyes.

 

and, martha thinks, in the very least bethany doesn't seem so stressed anymore. and that's the best she can hope for.

 

* * *

 

bethany watches martha die.

 

it's one of those hidden punji traps. martha missteps into one, falls down onto the sharpened sticks.

 

bethany leans over the edge, trying to pull martha out. like she'd be able to. like she'd even be strong enough to.

 

as far as deaths go, it's a slow one.

 

the worst place martha gets pierced is through her stomach. she manages to twist helplessly for a few moments before her strength runs out. blood is in her throat, bethany can see it when she wails.

 

and all bethany can say is 'oh god’ and ‘oh god, martha’ because she knows death is inevitable. and she can't look away because martha needs to know she's there.

 

she sees her. she's there for her.

 

it's got to have lasted a minute. maybe a few minutes until martha finally bleeds out. it feels like forever, but it also feels like it all happened in a second.

 

she's quiet when she respawns. she stands next to bethany and looks at her own blood that was still wet in the trap, eyes wide and unblinking at where her body should have been.

 

bethany reaches for her hand and squeezes it. martha squeezes back.

 

* * *

 

martha hates bethany.

 

she's decided that is a fact. she's also decided she doesn't want to hate bethany. it's just that she has to.

 

because bethany has two lives. and martha has one.

 

bethany can die again without a worry. if martha dies again, she'll be dead. gone. it isn't a comfort. she doesn't want to play the game again. she isn't even sure if they'll be allowed a third try at the game because the rules are hazy. everything makes no fucking sense and she's sick of it.

 

she knows bethany knows that she hates her now. and she knows bethany is trying to act all cheerful for her. that she's covering up her stress to make martha laugh at another joke about her one weird ex-boyfriend. or how she had a 'really funny’ dream the other night.

 

but martha knows bullshit. she knows bethany's bullshit.

 

martha finds herself red in the face because she's crying over how much she hates bethany while bethany is braiding her hair that morning.

 

and bethany doesn't say a thing.

 

* * *

 

when martha was little, her whole life was planned out for her.

 

her mother said she was smart. that she wasn’t like others her age. she took martha by the shoulder and pointed in the dressing room mirror at a department store and said ‘there’s my smart girl’.

 

her dad expected a lot from her. she couldn’t fulfill on extracurriculars. she tried sports, but she was asmatic. also--sports were a complete waste of time. risking a concussion definitely outweighed any pros.

 

she wasn’t social enough for clubs. she didn’t want to approach anyone if she didn’t have to. and if she wasn’t in a club, and if she didn’t have any friends--then she never had to approach anyone. simple.

 

but she tried to make up for it in her grades. she studied. took on courses she knew were pointless. stayed after school to get extra help from the teachers just so they’d remember her face. know her well enough to say in passing ‘that martha, she’s a smart girl’.

 

and that became her identity. smart. quiet. she was going to go to princeton and she was going to do whatever her parents told her to do. because she was smart and she knew she was. life was challenging but it was also easy because she could handle it all. that’s what being smart means.

 

being smart doesn’t matter.

 

or, in jumanji, being smart means nothing. because it’s just her and bethany. and because knowing about computer science means nothing to a world with no computers. and knowing about microbiology is meaningless to a world with no advanced microscopes.

 

which makes martha wonder who she was being smart for in the first place. and why she was acting as though it was core to her personality. because, now, when it doesn’t matter, being smart makes her feel.. empty.

 

she feels empty a lot recently. she feels like ruby took a melon-baller to her brain and scooped out essential bits to fill it up with aikido moves. and like jumanji planted seeds in whatever left that had still been fallow.

 

it isn’t just that she doesn’t feel like herself because she isn’t herself. it’s that martha doesn’t know who she is. she doesn’t know who she was.

 

she felt like a matryoshka doll. the outside was ruby. then it was marsha. and then it was whoever martha really was.

 

she isn’t just the smart girl. she’s more than that. she’s fucking terrified.

 

* * *

 

bethany doesn't take long to speak.

 

“fuck this game.”

 

martha has heard her say it before. but she means it this time. she really, truly means it.

 

bethany knows martha is pissed with her, so she just keeps talking,” honestly? FUCK this game.”

 

martha is still walking. they've got to be treading ground they've already been across before. bethany recognizes the plantlife by this point. it's just that they don't care.

 

“i feel crazy. i genuinely feel like a crazy bitch at this point and it's not funny anymore. this isn't fun,” bethany can't keep walking. she stops in place.

 

it’s her low endurance. it’s that, no matter how many days they commit to the same routine, her avatar will never change. bethany has been treading water for what feels like forever now. the tides won’t even change so she can be pulled further out to sea for a simple change in scenery. and her body won’t even let her lungs fill up with water so she can just drown already.

 

martha keeps walking.

 

bethany calls her name once. twice. before saying, ”i NEED you to talk to me, martha.”

 

martha, bethany knows, is difficult. and she’s getting more difficult. she can see martha starting to sink because she refuses to paddle. but she can’t die just yet. bethany won’t let her die.

 

which makes martha whip back around, ”i can't!”

 

“you just don't want to!” they're having a shouting match across the jungle. bethany’s done shouting matches before. she can do them still.

 

“i don't know what to say to you!”

 

“just SAY how you feel! give me some fucking transparency every once and a while,” bethany is trying to close the distance between them.

 

martha doesn't respond at first. bethany knows that, if martha really wants to, she can run away at any moment. ruby is faster than her. she can scale trees and do flips and other unrealistic evasive maneuvers. bethany is just a person.

 

but, finally, martha speaks.

 

“fuck this game!”

 

she keeps going, ”i'm SORRY if i can't find the point in a game that's supposed to torture us. we're in high school! i don't even have a driver's license, but i'm just supposed to deal with.. dying? what's fair in that? what does that accomplish?!”

 

bethany gets closer to her. she's standing in front of martha. trying to comfort her by saying, ”i know. it's unfair. you're right. you're so right.”

 

“nobody deserves this. i don't care if you were vain or i was antisocial or.. whatever! the lesson isn't worth it. this game taking pleasure from us hurting is inhumane. i'm a person,” she rests her head on bethany's shoulder, her chest heaving, ”i'm a real person.”

 

bethany rubs her hand along martha's back. she can't stop saying 'i know i know i know’.

 

“i hate this game,” she's sniffling, ”i don't want to hate you, though.”

 

“then don't.”

 

* * *

 

martha stops walking one day. bethany is getting up, taking down their shelter as if there’s a point to re-scattering sticks. they’re not being tracked. if they were, it would have killed them already.

 

bethany looks down at martha laying quizzically, ”you good?”

 

“i want to sleep in.”

 

“we don’t like.. need to sleep in,” bethany is pretty sure their bodies are rigged to a perfect 8 hours of sleep. no more than that. they are always awake just as the sun finishes rising.

 

“but i want to,” martha rolls over, looks up at bethany, ”haven’t you ever heard of hedonism? if i don’t give in to indulgences soon, i may start to unravel.”

 

“like--go crazy?”

 

“i’ll become a crazy bitch. or whatever it is that you said,” martha waves her, ”try it with me. let’s just give up. or at least we should try to give up for today.”

 

bethany reassembles what she’s taken down already, ”o...kay. i can get behind this. like a self care day.”

 

“yes. this is our self care day.”

 

bethany lays back down on the ground. it’s not the most comfortable patch of ground they’ve laid on before, but it’s not like she can recall how comfortable her bed used to feel.

 

she can’t fall back asleep. she knows martha isn’t asleep, either. her eyes are just closed. and she’s breathing evenly. resting herself.

 

bethany clears her throat,” self care isn’t giving up.”

 

“huh?”

 

“we’re not ‘giving up’ by deciding to care for our own well-being. that’s, like, not how self care works.”

 

“yeah?”

 

“yeah,” bethany huffs, ”i’m an expert in self care.”

 

“we should open a spa here,” martha sounds dreamy. bethany likes the idea. she likes martha sounding relaxed. the sound of martha talking, ”all this mud needs to serve a higher purpose.”

 

“we should TOTALLY open a spa. i miss manicures,” bethany looks at her nails, ”though, dirt doesn’t really stay under my nails for too long. guess i can’t complain.”

 

“my nails are perfect. i have perfect doll nails. i bite them and the next day they look perfect again.”

 

bethany remembers not to be jealous, ”you don’t even need the spa. you’re basically the hottest piece in this jungle.”

 

“thanks,” martha knows bethany is joking with her. she’s even smiling a little in her response.

 

“you have unlimited nail-biting nails. you’re KIND OF living the dream,” bethany considers, ”i quit biting my nails when i was, like, ten. i should do that again since it doesn’t even matter.”

 

“embrace it!”

 

“hell yeah! i will!”

 

they don’t actually spend the rest of the day laying down. eventually, martha gets bored. she teaches bethany how to do some blocking because they might as well share skills well they’re relaxing. bethany, in exchange, describes her near-complete map of one of the major jungles as though she was physically walking through it.

 

then they collect fruit for a bit and martha decides that they should document all the fruits they’ve encountered once they have paper. bethany thinks it’s a good idea because then if they don’t know the name for a fruit, they can just make one up. then, bethany states, it’s like inventing a fruit. claiming you’re the first to discover and name a whole fruit. martha finds that exciting.

 

they accomplish a few things that day. mainly, it’s plans for the future once they have paper from the bazaar to document things down on.

 

but  it’s better than walking. it’s almost like living.

 

* * *

 

bethany figures things can go two ways. they can be sad. they can search for alex and spencer and fridge forever because they’re never going to age at this point. eventually, one of them will die for real and other other will have to kill herself or just wait to die naturally.

 

or they can try to live. which isn't easy. or, it won't be easy at first.

 

bethany forces them to make the latter decision. because if she sees martha as sad as she was again she'd sooner die forever and exist in the void where people who die in malevolent video games go.

 

the first step is finding somewhere to settle. she drags martha to the bazaar and finds them a room in one of the buildings. most rooms they come across are barren. like the game forgot to put in assets.

 

it's an easy fix. they just use in-game currency to buy various things they need. together, martha and bethany try to paint something on the wall that counts as decor.

 

truthfully, it's ugly. like--it's a total disaster. but it didn't exist in the game before. it's theirs.

 

they find NPCs that will talk to them. there aren't many that'll acknowledge their existence, but the few who do are pleasant. it turns out that professor oberon in particular doesn't have much ill will held against him. those that'll talk to ruby find her to be charming.

 

being located in the bazaar also means that they aren't just eating fruit. they get rice and bread and specialties from shops. martha swears some days there are options she swore didn't exist before. that NPCs are talking to her that she swear didn't know her before.

 

bethany knows it isn't a solution, necessarily. but they're doing something. for the first time, she genuinely feels as though they're fighting back. because they're adding new meaning that the game never intended.

 

bethany knows that they're making a life here. they could even be happy here.

 

* * *

 

here's what martha appreciates--you can add clothes.

  
bethany drapes shelly's jacket over her shoulders when it's dark out so that she'll feel safer. martha can wear the same jacket for when she's tired of showing off her midriff (which is often). when they rest in a half-assed shelter structure together, martha uses it as a shawl to stay warm.

 

martha especially wears it now more often than not. it's practically her's.

 

the third time martha and bethany kiss, martha is wearing bethany's coat.

 

she's wearing it the fourth time, too. and the fifth. and the sixth.

 

she can't stop wearing it.

**Author's Note:**

> FIRSTLY IF YOU READ THIS I JUST WANNA SAY THANK YOU !!!! youre a trooper & i appreciate you & i hope u liked it etc etc bc i super desperately needed to write this fic because this movie reeks of gender (jk jk.. kinda) & i thought itd be kinda cool to mess around in the universe idk  
> ANYWAYS a special thank you & shoutout to my bff for beta reading this !!! ur da bomb  
> & finally song title comes from baby i love your way bc i couldnt resist skfhsdsl


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